我要变成野花开在你身边
将我摘走吧在枯萎之前  — 戴娆 《绽放》

周末带宝子去上课的时候，竟然又听到了这首歌。上次听的时候应该是十年前了，眨眼间十几年竟然就过去了。那种轻松欢快的旋律，总是能让人心情变得更加的雀跃。

对我来说，绽放的年龄似乎依然是过去了，剩下的只有残花败柳，跟着时间一起变老。在老去的过程中也看到有的人的凋零，一个接着一个。上周的时候，同事神秘兮兮的说，公司有个哥们没了。说着拿手机给我看，我接过来，在他的朋友圈看到一条消息:『***因为心脏问题，医治无效去世，将在**举行告别仪式……』

看到这条消息的时候，内心并没有太大的波动。这几年，已经看着好多的人凋零，同村的邻居，自己的亲人，自己的同事，还有网上的名人。

昨天晚上对象说，下午看说什么张雪峰的头像变灰了，后面好像又给换回来了。我上网搜了一下，最开始看到的是张的助理说不清楚，合伙人说无可奉告。后来去微博搜的时候，就看到了张的微博账号发的讣告，的确是心脏问题去世了。

张还说自己跑马拉松什么的，身体没问题，网友都不见得能跑过他。然而，这他也没跑赢心脏病。看完消息之后，我一度都想直接买个aed放在家里了。不过对象说不至于，没啥必要。

张雪峰比我大一些，另外一个去世的同事比我大的更多一些。如果身体不好，看来真的不适合当牛马。而至于运动，真的能提高寿命吗？可能也没什么必然的相关性，有的疾病可能没有什么症状，而等到发病的时候，身体素质好的人可能存活的机会更少。身体素质不好的，可能会被拖垮但是不至于要命。当然，也有人说，锻炼是为了更体面的离开。身体拖垮了，可能就只剩下苟延残喘，没有质量的生活。

总是觉得来生还长，似乎有的是时间。现在看来，很多的人时间并没有那么多。或许正在绽放的时候，就被意外给消灭了。相比生命来说，其他的也就没那么重要了。钱多钱少，只要能活的开心就好了。体验生活，享受生活，才是关键，总是让自己活的不后悔才是对的。

很久之前刷短视频，看到一款个别假的手链。前几天又刷到了，去淘宝下了单买了四条，原价12块钱，最后实际花了3块钱。快递到了之后，带回家，对象看到说：『你真无聊，这有什么好玩的啊』

『没什么好玩的啊，我就是喜欢那种很假的感觉。』我答到。

我喜欢的是ta的视觉效果 ，有个角度看过去特别假。感觉都不想这个世界的东西。有时候买这些乱七八糟的小玩意儿，也会上瘾。可能买来不会戴，但是买的时候还是挺开心的。有时候也会买特别廉价的衣服神马的，并且买的衣服也真的不会穿出去。

有时候也挺矛盾的，这一身加起来不到100块钱，然而，周一去加油，大半箱油就花掉了300。加几次一辆电动车出来了，这还是里程数不多的情况下。粉皮每年花的钱，比我花的钱多多了。这么一向，感觉也挺无语。拍写真都够好多套了，不过下次拍，争取把十斤体重先减下来。跳绳的时候想到这些天天运动还猝死的，有感觉有那么一丝丝凉意。运动并不会使人长寿，健康也不会使人长寿，但是，我还是喜欢健康苗条。

最近事情的确有点多，一点点的堆积着都没来得及处理。工行发短信，说新信用卡已经到了营业厅了，但是却一直没去取。偶然想起来小时候吃的牛杂汤，忽然就很想吃。然而，美团、高德搜了一圈都没找到能吃牛杂的地方。想从二手东买，买回来自己加工，对象表示这个东西可能就你自己吃，买那么多也不合适，还是找个地方出去吃罢。

只是，到现在还没找到一个能吃牛杂的地方。周日带宝子去吃罐罐米线的时候，看到万达边上有一个牛杂店，好几天了，却还是没有来的及去。每天中午回家去消灭宝子姥姥在周末包的水饺，荠菜的，韭菜的。每次怕不够吃都会包很多，虽然很好吃，但是为了控制体重，剩下的水饺到现在已经吃了三天了，还有一些在冷冻上，明天不能再吃了，想去吃牛杂了。有的时候，那种记忆真的是刻在了骨子里。熟悉的味道，总是能让人感慨良多。而闺蜜圈的新版本发布，总是一波三折。华为的商户资质，三星的各种材料提交，总是有无数的关卡卡在前面，有时候也在想，不如放弃吧，反正也不挣钱，自己用也够了。

原本，今天似乎能有点空闲时间。然而，早上到公司拉代码的时候，发现移动硬盘坏了，mac 能识别磁盘，但是挂载不了，尝试急救失败。

Checking if the parent's minkey can be updated...
error: btn: oid (854310), xid (36994), type (0x40000003), subtype (0xb), flags (0x4) level (1)
error: btn: unable to repair minkey
   Object map is invalid.
** The volume /dev/rdisk5s1 with UUID 381DE7AB-BD78-4F75-879C-0E618699D213 was found to be corrupt and cannot be repaired.
** Verifying allocated space.
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfef0+17, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfef1+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfef0+17, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfefb+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff16+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff1a+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff1c+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff22+1, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff22+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff2c+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff2d+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff30+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff31+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff45+2, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff45+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff4c+1, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff4c+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffcc+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffcd+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffcc+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffce+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe0f+11, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe13+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe22+12, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe24+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe22+12, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe25+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe60+1, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe60+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe85+1, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe85+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe96+3, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe98+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff12+2, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff13+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe1c+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe1c+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe36+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe36+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe3e+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe3e+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe57+2, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe57+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfea9+3, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfeab+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfebe+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfebe+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfee3+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfee3+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff2f+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff2f+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffd8+3, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffd9+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfd9e+3, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfd9f+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfd9e+3, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfda0+2)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe6e+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe6e+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfee6+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfee6+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff29+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff29+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfdc9+1, xid 36991) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfdc9+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe11+1, xid 36991) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe0f+11)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfda1+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfd9e+4)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfdb5+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfdb5+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe4e+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe4e+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe66+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe66+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe88+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe88+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff41+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff41+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe40+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe40+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfeda+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfeda+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff6c+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff6c+1)
warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff7b+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff7a+2)
** Performing deferred repairs.
error: Unable to perform deferred repairs without full space verification
** The container /dev/rdisk5 could not be verified completely.

尝试各种修复方式，最终都以失败告终，apfs看来也不咋靠谱。只能格式化硬盘，重新拉代码，重新配置运行环境，拉代码大半天时间竟然就没了。

只是，退堂鼓一向，内心又觉得不甘。应该让她绽放的，辛辛苦苦的折腾到现在，总是不想功亏一篑。好好的东西，夭折了，也的确不是我的风格。

如果按照所谓的平均寿命，现在看来，正是如花似玉的年龄。该绽放就绽放吧，哪怕花开的有些晚了，也是总要开的。